that was out of line, but it felt very good. And after I wrote that, I really felt like I had gotten it all out. I meditated on why people feel like they need to act certain ways, and why I feel threatened by other peoples actions. I meditated for almost an hour on it, and I came to the conclusion that all these emotions, I hate them because I understand them them and I understand them because I have felt them. that we are all doing the same things and feeling the same things, at different times and for different reasons, and all these waves of feelings, thats all we are, coming at different times, then passing on. That these people are me, and I am these people, and we are not I and You and Them, and Us, we are just people, all just like eachother, all a piece of eachother. I cannot be me, and You are not you with out someone else being Them. So these people are me in a sense, and this way I can feel no negative emotion towards these people, when I look at it like this. We are all just feeling and reacting, and I have a profound sense of compassion for people after last night. I will probably not let myself be put into a situation liek this again by Brad, but I won't hurt him and I don't want to tell him this I know he won't understand, he will get offensive, and that part of me I would avoid. I don't love all the things about me, and that is why i don't love all the things that other people do. Not everyone will love me but not everyone will dislike me too. I have to be happy with that which I find within myself and other people alike. I don't need to put myself in situations where I will act in a way I do not aprove of, and in a similar sense I don't have to put myself in a situation where other people will feel the need to act in a sense that will cause negativity. Being around Brad causes him to feel threatened in a way, and me as well. This is a situation we can both avoid, even though he won't realize this right away, and will want to blame me or maybe even himself.
Now I need to go to work adn maek money cuz I might be getting a car. Still wondering if that is a good idea or not, because it might mean sacraficing my trip to Rio.
Stuntman shot at hooters
Saturday, April 12, 2008
That was out of line
Posted by SunDropKisses at 4:28 PM
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1 comments:
*^__^* That's very Buddhist of you. If you need to vent, you need to vent. It's that simple. I love you sweetheart, I hope you can find peace in some kind of a decision about the boy. As for the car, well if you're not sure about it, it's probably a better plan to not buy it. Things that expensive...you ought to be sure about it unless you're fabulously rich, which I know you're not. So I guess you could weigh it, awesome trip to Rio, Brazil or car which will cost a hell of a lot more then a bus pass because of maintainance and gas. The car will end up being much more than $1200, where as it might be more convenient than the bus I'm more in favor of transport (you can see my agenda). Weigh it out. Cars are fuck-ya-in-the-ass-expensive and that's a hefty price to pay just to get the car without all the gas and whatnot it will require. If you buy it, make sure to take it into a shop to get it checked out make sure everything is working properly. I'm not saying your friend would screw you but totally make sure things are good to go with the car. Love you much!
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