I don't know why I feel this way, it hurts me the most

I don't think I ever walk away from a situation and think yeah that went really well. If I do it is not often. I usually think man I made an ass of myself or I don't think these people really like me. That is sad and pathetic, but I realize it. I think people aren't usually laughing with me.... even though I'm laughing too, it still isn't with me. I feel like they are just looking at me not listening to me. I start worrying about all the things I do and say. I feel like I just don't belong in these situations. I just don't want to be apart of them. I am socially akward. I fight it but I just am. I don't know what people usually do, I don't know how to act like them. I am just different and I guess it stands out in an unusual way. Not so much in a good way. So this wasn't much of a wise and deep post, its kinda sad and stupid. But its how I feel and that suckes right now. I only have a few girlfriends but I still feel like I'm the friend everyone hates to see coming, even though I don't even hang out with people in groups any more. That is probably why in a "group" of like 3 or more I am so socially inept, I just like it better one on one. I don't feel like I have to play one person against the other. Ugh. Tonight was fun but I just walk away thinking, wtf. Why didn't that go as smoothly as I thougth it was going to?? Am I trying too much? laughing too much? Trying to make a specific impression and it never goes right? yeh. I feel like at this rate I"m going to lose everyone I have here. I don't even really see Briana anymore, and we were getting prety close! Kristie went home for the summer and I only see sarah, and what's gonna happen to me when she gets sick of me? Even I'm getting sick of me.

maybe everyone feels like this, no one just wants to admit it. I hope so. I am admitting it. How embarrassing..............................