What life, what do you want??

Crazy crazy dreams recently. I thought they were over. It is stress its always stress. I don't know why though. maybe.. Stress about going back towork and not being good enough, stress about not having enough money for my trips I need to book now, stress about not making rent and about not having done the right things. Maybe I shouldn't have gotten a moped now, maybe I can't afford it, I shouldn't have taken such a long time off from work, I might not be able to come back in July after my trip home, what if I lose my job? What if I don't have the money I need when I need it. I need to pay rent, my phone bill, electric bill, and green peace suckered me in to that fucking 20$ a month thing, I want to find out how to get out of that too. I don't have the money for this, and I am wasting my life sleeping because I feel so useless when I'm awake! My schedule is all messed up I can't get to sleep before like...3 or 4 an I"m not even drinking, I"m just sitting up like what the fuck... I wake up at like noon, and there goes most of my day, I don't feel like doing anything, I just want to sleep all the time, but Ihave the worst dreams! Last night I dreamed I was trapped in this like, house where I couldn't leave until I was dead or something. Some midget chased me down with a chain saw. I ranout of the house and this guy stopped me and i started fighting with him, and kicking and hitting him but it was like i couldn't hit him hard enough my limbs just werent working like I wanted them to,and it was so frustrating. I woke up in a huge panic and when I went back to sleep I dreamed aobut the same thing. I dreamed about Jack again too. every night now. hes usually not with in reach, I am either talking to him and he is totally distant, or he is not close enough to me to talk to, or he's a memory in a dream. I hate this. I hate sleeping and I hate being awake. I hate my rabbit and how much of my energy he demands even though he still hates me. I hate my friends for being shitty friends, and my body for getting fatter every day and my lack of motivation to do something about it. ihate my financial situation and my job. I have headaches every morning, what is wrong with life right now??????????????? I hate life right now. i want to get a new one. this week after fials has fucked with my clocks and my mind a lot. I need a schedule. or something but i dont know what. I want some genuine loving unmotivated unjudgemental affection and support.