This is what I thought, I thought you'd need me

I am furious with men right now, in general and only because of one. That would be Jack. All the things we had, all the things I did for him, I just always thought we would always be together. We haven't talked now for almost a year, and things still remind me of him, actually think about him all the time. Then I met john, and he was so like jack in a lot of ways, and I could see that he was innocent and good, and he was not like other guys because he didn't need attention from other girls. I really liked that, if there is one quality i seek out in guys it would be that they are confident in not needing other girls. John seemed so like Jack in that way, and he is a total stoner and kinda quirkey. I just really saw Jack in him, and I wanted to see that and feel that, and I let my guard down. It isnt't Johns fault I was weak, it was my fault, and it was Jack's fault. I will never get over that boy. But John is not like jack, John is not loyal, he is unattractive and I thought that would prevent him from being a target of affection of other girls. Apparently after we hooked up... like 2 days after we hooked up, he decided he didn't want to hang out with me anymore, he wants to hit on Rynell, a pretty good working buddy of mine. and not discretley either. Right in my face. Not a week after hooking up with me. I didn't expect the world, I totally didn't expect shit to come of our little thing, but to completely throw it back in my face, it is just TOTALLY DISRESPECTFUL. He can't do better than me, and it is stupid and immature of me to act like that but it's true, he had a good thing when I was giving him attention, I was sleeping with him! This may sound conceited but you don't throw that back in my face!! Especially if you are an unattractive kitchen boy at hooters!! jesus I make so much drama for myself it is rediculous. I work 6 nights a week this week, all but thursday, I wish I could work thurs instead of today and wednesday, they are such slow fuckin days I don't have enough time to work slow days!!

I got home from the bar pretty late like at 4, My friend one of my customers Brandon, not the kitchen brandon, gave me a ride home we ate pancakes at mac 24 and those were huuuuge pancakes. I had a lot of fun hanging out at the bar after work with byron, mike, greg the bartender, tiff, brandon (my customer) and some other guys, it was a good time. I wasn't talking to john or the kitchen boy brandon, it was so aggrivating. fucking dog piss- dammit. he makes me so mad.

Rynell called me later too, she left her walet at hooters so i ran downstairs and grabbed it. she said to give it to john because they were cruising together tomorrow. (today) oh thats lovely. one week after he comes back and hooks up with me. fucking lovely. i handed him the wallet and walked away and hes like wahts this i told him its rynells, she wants me to give it to you cuz youre gonna see her tomorrow. i glared at him. he laughs like haha oh you know about that? :) but he doesnt say that he just laughs a smug laugh and i turn my back. he walked away and i went over while he wasnt around anyone, i said waht youre doing is rude, and i dont like it. an went back to my seat. get the fucking picture. asshole.

honestly. i dont like men so much any more after this last couple of years. but I am excited to go home, I called my mom when I got home last night, at like 5 in the morning, we talked for a while, we are both excited for me to go home :). They moved someone into grams house and changed things all around, but we're still gonna scatter her ashes. dad moved into my room, so mom and him dont have to see eachother so much while hes home, so i'll prolly just sleep in moms room while i"m home. tracy's room is now a storage room, so things are pretty different around there now. I will be okay with this I think, it will be hard. I cried when I read the email, but I am coming to terms. anyways, not much of a hang over today lucky me, so i'm gonna hop in the shower and freshen up a lil bit