SOS

I was going so strong, I was doing so well and I thought wow I am okay, I am going to be okay. I haven't talked to eric for 2 whole days, and I'm in class and I'm talking to people and its okay. But I'm not really okay, I'm stressed and my chest feels tight and my heart is racing, my whole body feels sad. I can't work because I can't get enough shifts, and no one is giving up shifts right now because everyone is in a crunch to pay rent, and I'm so far behind after working at the shack all last month and losing money and being stressed about balancing job schedules- now I'm 300 behind on rent which was due today, 80 for a phone bill due on the 5th, 80 for utilities due today with rent which isn't here, and I have HAVE to have 1000 in my bank account by the 16 because UH takes it out automatically for tuition, which doesn't look possible in 2 weeks, working 2 days a week at hooters. I am all alone, I don't know who to go to to talk about it because I feel like I just want to be so strong, and I had so much hope for eric that I feel so foolish its over. I can't talk to anyone about that really, and I don't know what to do for money being this far behin and not being able to get more shifts. I'm seriously freaking out at this point in the middle of class and I'm not listening to anything the teacher is saying I'm totally zoned out and having a complete anxiety attack. This really sucked. After class I called mom. I had written to her earlier today to tell her money was a little tight but everything was okay, and i got the insurance card. but it wasn't okay and I was on my own and sinking and there was nothing I could do about it. I was so upset but she was really understanding and caring. She told me how proud of me she is and asking for help isn't failing, and she would put money in the bank for this month and if I want I can pay it back. That was a huge weight off my shoulders. huge. She put a lot in too. Just incase I can't make tuition, she put in 1500, but I only need a couple hundred right now for rent. I might have to dip into it when tuition bill comes around because it seems so unlikely that i'll make it own my own with work troubles being what they are the economy is dead and we're feelin it.

As for eric, well I don't really know. Its tought, but it'll even out eventually somehow. I'll be okay no matter what happens and I can do it on my own, I have been up to now, and so far it doesn't seem like having him around has gotten me very far ahead now does it?

I have a lab report due tomorrow, a rewrite of the one last week,
gotta call the liquor comission to get times and dates for liquor card testing
send in the KCC application so I can go there next semester- taking microbiology and lab there for my one class and lab. It will save me a lot of money.

i guess eric is on the way to come get his stuff. gotta go xoxo